sitting wait the lost child forgives nothing reliving all the agony and shame turning back smashes downward cutting through the pain bleeding pulling back to pray never had an answer when you said "forever" huddled tight to twist the mask and shift the life beyond your grasp turn up the frequency to make the pain into belief suffer scars that never healed from the new regime never had an answer when you said "forever" everything will rot in time most overt to quite sublime everything will fade away turning colors shift to grey everything will rot in time most overt to quite sublime in time everything will die whisper shadow raise the knife cover scars that never showed now you say that love means nothing signs of deadly blows turn stabbing nothing left disintegrate and end never had an answer when you said "forever" everything will rot in time most overt to quite sublime everything will fade away turning colors shift to grey everything will rot in time most overt to quite sublime in time everything will die

in the end i never understood why what we had just disintegrated into something strangely dark and sad i never understood just why it had to be this way and in the blood reflected in your eyes i turned away everything endured and it seemed so unexpected everything destroyed too broken to be corrected just a question never answered a life slipping from your hands it took to long to realize we never had a chance the tears have started flowing along with all the pain even though i've escaped you now i'll never be the same an otter trapped far out of water still drowning in the rain forever sinking deep a victim of your creation so many years gone down that road with no time for looking back you left without a word your silence all i could extract in the aftermath we had no chance to realign and after all these years i'm still waiting for a sign

"no matter how hard we hold it all just slips away" "no matter how desperate everything will still decay" "and everything we sing or write or think will all get lost" "and all the lives we've ever touched will all just turn to dust" "and all of those fine and noble things we may have said" "will just turn into something that we'd wish was only dead" "and nothing that we'll ever have will be forever saved" "and everything we do will just lead us deeper in the grave" and it all seems to have happened just like you said everyone i've ever loved is dead and it all seems to have happened just like you said we've gone away and grown up alone "and the only comfort now is there are slower ways to die" "and that what we might have had isn't worth another try" "and in the end it doesn't really matter what you'd say" "because in the end everything disintegrates and fades" and so this was just the end of everything we ever knew as a part of me got lost inside a part still lost from you all my life just whispers in a dream - was it ever any more than this? and it all seems to have happened just like you said everyone i've ever loved is dead and it all seems to have happened just like you said we've gone away and grown up alone

pushing away it will never be the same again slipping away i will never feel this pain again i sit here watching time go by in small increments you took my heart my life my joy and soiled my innocence you took it all and shattered everything i once believed you took it all and left me with this empty sucking need and i hate so i throw it all away i question all this agony striking out inside of me never finding strength or time to bleed it all away all i got from you were open wounds that cut me through and dragged me deep into my darkest days pushing away it will never be the same again slipping away i will never feel this pain again and i hate so i throw it all away

i took your photograph an image frozen alone in time but it seems the pain and tears have blurred your picture in my mind the anger rises up to crush the fear down deep inside now i feel so stupid that i could ever be this blind things are so much darker now than they ever were before you blur and fade and shift away as your body falls to the floor you twist and blur and change your shape all colors shift to red the desire in me crawls out of me to touch your face and strike you dead i thought my hurt was endless and i kept on hurting still i thought my pain was bottomless though i had had my fill then you came to me and spoke those words that made me ill "i don't think i ever loved you and i know i never will" things are so much darker now than they ever were before you blur and fade and shift away as your body falls to the floor you twist and blur and change your shape all colors shift to red the desire in me crawls out of me to touch your face and strike you dead such a fragile thing as love...

moving faster i slip through our days watching all my life drip so thick through lovesick haze thinking we were stupid for ending up this way trying to decide between our pleasure and our pain and all those things that we said before of how it would be different "this time for sure" because both of us are sick of pain "we don't want this hurt" but everything i try to do only seems to make it worse moving slower i slip through your eyes forcing out the truth from within your endless lies pushing in i find there is no strength in compromise always trapped within ourselves we forever pay that price and every time i thought love was next it always had the reverse effect forcing us to turn and direct all our anger and contempt at whatever was left sinking deeper i slip off your ring shattering instantly what was left of all our dreams throwing it behind me as i reach for other things then lose my grip and fall forever trapped within this scene and all those things that we never did say the times we trusted and made that mistake we turned both of our lives into some pointless useless game then something darker slipped on out and forced it all to break

you keep on pushing me out and pulling me in you keep on smashing it down and making it end and it seems that everything that mattered just slipped away you pull at me too tight to breathe and bind me up in agony your crueler streak that surfaced strengthens hate "i never really wanted you" softly i heard you sigh "it's over - this is our last goodbye" and then i stared all empty eyed at what you had become and in looking turned the mirror round and saw my own reflection i want to see you die i want to feel your pain i want to watch you bleed in ways that i just can't explain i want to take it all away i want to make you cry i want to smash it all apart until there's nothing left inside i want to see you die i want to see you die

something small and soft and warm lies dead by the side of the road suddenly a hand illuminated in the headlight's glow a young girl lost - cold - alone just looking for her kitty you might have missed her if you hadn't gotten drunk at the party the blood on your hands is the blood of the girl the shattering sound is the glass of her world the taste in your mouth too terrible to describe and you left her there still breathing the only one who could have helped and you didn't lift a hand instead of facing up to it you turned away and ran you drove away so quick you might not live to kill again and you left her there still breathing

once 13 delicate fragile 19 now hurt caught up with her she's broken down friends that were not friends spitting on her soul laughing at her pain insults shatter it didn't matter the damage was done again she reached up on the kitchen shelf found her knife and lost herself slashed her wrists then cut out her eyes so she couldn't see the blood on the floor people causing pain playing silly games false apologies won't wash away bloodstains it seems it is the only way to end the hurt and shame her heart has just stopped beating don't you find this strange?